thank you for replying and suggestions. I'm not in the US.

I don't know if I'd say I was resourceful or just good at hiding. I've done many things to get out of speaking, I've failed in participation marks or dropped out at the last minute. I have lots of anxiety around speaking and doing public things.

I used to have a counselor at the school but they are gone now this semester and I've used up all my sessions, but they went way over the limit to help me so I'm grateful for that. I see a psychiatrist but soon I won't be cause it's a program that only lasts for a few years.

I feel so different from other people that I cannot relate to them at all. I feel somehow off, and I think other people can sense it too. I feel like a different species and that I'm not a 'real' person like other people. I don't even know what to do with my life after school, I have no plans and people reject me for jobs and volunteering cause of the way that I am. I know no one here can really help me, but I just wanted to write a bit so maybe things won't be so bad.