I like how you used "right now" "im not strong enough to deal with it right now" that tells me there is still ALOT of hope inside of you. You have to learn how to cope. SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST. In order too do these things you have to litterally right when your done reading this say "f*** it" and start accepting the good and the bad. We arent like most. we are different having to go through theses experiences. You will seem normal again but this time STRONGER. message me if you need more help