Over the past 30 years, I've had all sorts of issues with booze and dope. I never thought it to be a problem because I was one of those "functional" partiers that would only lay it down on weekends. I never missed work or got arrested but I was lucky. I would go through phases of self-loathing but I always came back to the partying because I thought it was great. I probably drove drunk 200 times and I'm not proud of that.

I never knew I was bipolar.....I was diagnosed with a "disorder" in February 2015 and with BP II just last week. Now I know why I drank so much. It was probably directly connected to my mania - when I felt great, I was the life of the party and set the pace for everyone to follow.

But let's be honest. I was a drunk and a dope head and I quit it all about a year ago. It was the best decision I've ever made in my life. Your situation sounds much more complex than mine but consider taking that first step - it's one you can do on your own. The sobriety gave me power over myself, the world, and everything that happens around me. It also gave me clarity to enjoy the things I love.

I have a good friend who has an addictive personality - perhaps you can look into something like that. He had all sorts of issues like yours and it all connected back to the fact that he just went hell-bent-for-leather with everything he did in his life. For the record, he was my drink-and-drug buddy too. But he's clean now and works at it every day. We support each other.

Also......I know this might be tough to do but maybe you would consider rolling with your p-doc's suggestion. I was literally *forced* by my wife to get help and I was in denial in the beginning when I was told I needed to take Depakote. But I had to roll with it. Why should I take this at my age? Now I also take Lithium and have finally accepted the diagnosis. It has helped me tremendously.

Rock on, Sister Risu!