Hello everyone,

I hope you guys read this and I can get some help. I am 19. For almost a year now, I’ve had a really distorted perception of reality. I feel like everyone knows my inner thoughts and feelings. Almost like life is scripted or staged. Like my friends and family are not real. Like I’m living a lie. This all started when one night, a group of friends and I smoked some pot and I got extremely paranoid. I don’t remember what everyone was talking about but I felt like they were all talking about me. For a while now, I’ve been scared that I might be gay, even though I know I’m not. I do not like men, but this is something that scares me. I’ve had gay thoughts that I do not even want to have. I do not think there is anything wrong with being gay, I just don’t want to be gay. Some nights I just get a really deep pit in my stomach and I think very deeply about my life and who I am as a person. The whole idea of life confuses me and I don’t even feel like it’s real anymore. About 4 months ago my family and I moved from the East to the West Coast. I have no friends here. I am starting school soon. I have a job. Everything makes me nervous and paranoid. I’m always worrying about everything, like work. I’m always biting my fingers. Now, I don’t even want to do anything. I just want to lay in bed. I do not want to kill myself, but lately I’ve been feeling like I’d be better off dead. This all happens randomly. Some days I’ll be fine, then some days, like today, I’ll feel horrible. I hope someone can give me some advice and help me out. I am going to a psychiatrist this week but I’d like to hear from some of you as well.

Thank you.