IMO, that's a very hard step to break. A habit that sticks, through thick & thin. I got into that habit when I was rather young. I've been trying, for many years, to break the habit. Some part of my brain seems to have a lot more power than my will!

Gentle hugs to you.
You do not deserve the pain.
You do not deserve the blame.
You do not deserve to be alone and miserable.

Say these words over and over again every day. please try hard!