Hi Rainbow,
I always admire your courage And authenticity with your t and I am sure she does too. I can relate to a lot of your posts and your feelings with your t but I have never had the opportunity to look at them. I did once try but she shut it down almost immediately. So I enjoy seeing how your t handles your feelings and works through them so well with you. This is the deepest work you can do in therapy and it's confusing, heartbreaking, tiring and worth it if handled correctly. I admire your t also, she does a great job.
Do you think the feelings have gotten worse since the passing of your husband perhaps? Now that you are alone and missing the connection and seeing t happy and engaging in a new relationship is like a mirror reflecting back everything you are missing right now. I find myself falling for unavailable ts who can't give me what I want and it's a hard vicious cycle but you and I both know there is a whole lot more to it. The mere fact that we fall in love with our ts is symbolic of the great work they do with us and gives us a peak into what we need in a relationship outside of t. I am not saying you should enter into a new relationship rainbow because only you know if and when you would like to do that. I am saying that this is an insight into what you crave and desire in an intimate relationship. Things you never got as a child.

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