im scared...i was going to ...i dont know if im even up to typing it though...i got to type alittle bit of it then deleted it....it makes me scared....and tired.....that could also be because its 2 am.....sometimes i want to close my eyes and have it all go away...for just a minute....ill take seconds if thats all there is...i dont WANT a story....i dont WANT a past.....to much...its all too much for me...it wont go away, everyday, every minute, school, work, home, sleeping, eating, lounging, cleaning...every breathe is a breathe that is sharp on intake...remembering ....waiting...people go on with their lives...i see it...i see my boyfriend go through daily life.....nothing haunting him...nothing troubling him...he sleeps like its easy....he lives like its easy....why cant I ....why cant i just live....i just want to live my life....not live a hell......not live a memory....i want to live my life.....why is that so much to ask?