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Originally Posted by Bill3
Thanks! This is potentially really helpful then...even when she says something thoughtless, she speaks so much and so quickly that if you don't react in a major way the moment can pass safely and she is on to something else. How much of a general pattern is that with her?
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It's like that most of the time with her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bill3
Interesting too that she went on to blame the jacket rather that making a personal affront to you.  |
In this case she didn't blame me for gaining weight, but on many other occasions she blames and shames me in some jokey ways. I find it much harder to deal with those because I take them personally. One example is that she would blame me for coughing and I ended up hiding my colds from her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bill3
It sounds like sometimes she says stuff that she doesn't mean to be offensive but she is a maybe little clumsy verbally and it can come across as being offensive. How often does that happen?
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That happens pretty often. Outside a fight she would never say anything really bad.
*****
I just talked to her... for more than 40 minutes. Her share of the conversation in terms of word count was at least 90%. It all started with her telling me that she was getting notifications about a second connection to her email account. I proposed I change the email password for her, she agreed, and I did. Turns out she didn't have a clear understanding about what an email account password is and what it is useful for.
Then she mentioned that she would like to start renovating her kitchen. I asked her why wouldn't she finish renovating the rooms first. She gave me a long answer about how okay she is with the rooms being the way they are now and that she doesn't mind the scratched floors and the (ugly looking in my opinion) windows. Then she started doubting about what should be the priority in terms or renovations. Then she started telling me how much she doesn't trust the people doing the renovations. Then she asked for my opinion what would I change in her kitchen. Instead of saying "everything" (my opinion) I said "I don't know". It's her kitchen, she should decide how she wants it.
Then she started speaking in monologues where I would just occasionally say yes or no. She told me about her sister buying a coat and herself buying sweaters. She told me about the shops, what her sister thinks about the shops and that her sister prefers talking about her shopping experience rather than her daughter and her family.
Then she asked about my husband and I told her that he is on a work trip right now. She blamed me for not telling her that earlier. -- Ok, maybe I should have told her earlier. I don't really think it is a big deal though.
Then she asked me if I heard what has happened in Germany during the New Years eve. And then she started telling me the news about how women got assaulted by the asylum seekers. She would quote the news and blame the German government for not taking any reasonable actions. I didn't say anything to that. My response would have been that you cannot punish millions of people for the misdeeds of just a very small group, but that would have made the conversation even weirder.
Then we ended the conversation.
******
We didn't fight and I kept my answers brief. It was not a satisfying conversation for me, but at least we didn't argue.