Quote:
Originally Posted by Freefallphoenix
I absolutely agree. When I started seeing him I quickly became obsessed with my therapist abandoning me if /when I got too needy. This is still a concern for me. Your words have really helped me to frame my experiences.
Again, thank you for sharing this, it sounds like there is real depth of honesty in your relationship with your therapist. I realise reading this that I still keep my more negative feelings towards my therapist to myself - for fear that he will 'abandon' me. I never realised that until now... I cannot imagine my life at all without my therapist, I don't know when I would feel ready to stop. But I do hope that in the future I will feel stronger in relationships 'in the outside world' to be more truthfully myself without hiding aspects of myself due to shame or fear of rejection.
Phx
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Yeah, I think the fear of abandonment will always be at least a little bit there. Like you, I quickly became afraid of that and being too needy/getting too close/etc.
There is a real depth of honesty in our relationship. It honestly didn't develop until the past few months though after 2 years of seeing him. I of course trusted him enough to help work on things before, but something shifted back in the fall and it was a whole new level of trust. I don't know what changed--and it might have been just part of my personality because I take forever to let people in and get to know me and can never pinpoint the moment when I finally do--but the work I've done recently has been the most meaningful work I think I've done so far. And it has involved my least favorite thing in life: Vulnerability
. And vulnerability involves being honest (i.e. something you said rubbed me the wrong way, I'm afraid of getting too close, I'm afraid of you getting fed up with me, on and on and on).
It's good that you've realized that you keep your negative feelings to yourself because now you can test out being honest about them with your therapist (if you want to, of course). It'll probably surprise you.
