Oh, I know, and that really scares me. I've tried really hard to push her away because of it, but she just won't let me. She also said that she would love to stay in touch with me after I leave university, and that she is still in touch with her own therapist who she hasn't seen in four years.

I'm a horrible cynic, and hesitate to believe, even now, that she actually really means everything she says. I try to remind myself as often as I can that it really is a professional relationship, even if she tells me that she thinks it's more than that at this point. She's always saying that she doesn't want to hurt me, and I believe her; I don't think she'll ever change her boundaries abruptly or anything like that, so what worries me the most is knowing I'll have to stop seeing her some day. I have told her that I'll never be ready for that, and she said she won't suddenly stop existing just because I graduate.


I do feel very fortunate to have her in my life, but I'm also scared by how much she means to me. I really love her, and that seems wrong. I told her that in an email recently, and she replied saying that I'm scared because I'm opening myself up to something new, and that the wrongness is a sign that I'm doing something different. She also said that what matters is that we are committed to each other and that we can be open and honest about our feelings. I really appreciate that. She is very sweet, and I'm trying to get used to her kind and compassionate ways because it seems more emotionally healthy than being so closed off to it.