Jenny, I just wanted to sympathize.
My mom shares a lot of the same traits as yours. We live in different states and when she visits she is insulted if we don't spend all of our time together. And she lets me know. She guilts me a lot. She will make a (what I consider) snide remark and when I call her on it she will say "oh I was only joking!" and act hurt that I found it offensive. She comes across as totally easy going "I'm happy with anything you want to do", but she is critical. Her new game is to pretend not to hear (she's elderly) but I notice that the quieter my husband and I are, the better she can hear us. She feels that ALL of our business is also her business and she gets offended if she finds anything out later...I could go on and on.

I let her get to me for far too long. Now I am at the point where I just smile and nod. I try to respect her as a parent but I also am more objective than I used to be. It's a balancing act, really. I remind myself that this may the last time I see her and that I should have as much patience as humanly possible. She's lived through a lot.

I have the advantage in that I also have children. It gives me a different viewpoint.

It is not easy to separate from a parent.