what does that mean? someone please explain.

i have heard this time n time again and i am trying to apply this to my situation but cant. My T appt is not until friday...so if someone can shed light.

a friend of several years, my neighbor...had a fall out with another friend in our group. i got caught in between both of them. i chose to step back and avoided my friend. i didnt want to choose or take sides. so i stayed quiet and avoided her for months till issue was resolved. i am socially awkward...i avoid conflict.
my friend told me i have hurt her feelings by abandoning her. i did. i apologized. i told her the truth...i am weak...i have alot of shortcomings...i was wrong...i failed her as a frend...with my heart n soul i apologzied and was very vulnerable. she mocked me in return. i keep on saying sorry to her..and she keeps on insulting me...that she has never met someone like me...the way i behaved.
ouch.
she can chose to accept my apology or reject it. but she keeps on messaging me and dragging this...and i have told her nothing but the truth ! and i have 100 percent owned it that i should have been there for her...not avoided her. and even said u have been a great freind i appreciate everything u have done for me.
her last message was so cold and left me crying ...i just told her i am not good enough like your other friends...i know that...and thats just me.

someone please tell me...is this really about me being a bad frend or is it something else?
i dont want to tell her off...we are in same neighborhood...we see each other very often in church etc.
i am just questioning my whole being right now...how do i fit into this world? among ppl? i cant handle a simple situation...i can not confront ppl...i failed as a friend when she needed me...i made a total fool out of myself ... i am so embarassed...my head is hanging in shame...ppl are so confident and strong..and intellignet...i am none of those. and imight never be...cuz my life was so screwed up...i just feel like i dont belong here...

my emotions are running very high right now..its all very raw...i am trying to soothe myself...

again...will i ever be able to hang around with normal ppl...be one of them???? i dont know

what does she want from me? apology..i have done it several times..i have explained myself again n again...