I think the difficulty is that IFS works with "parts", psychodynamic therapy works with transference/counter transference, person centred therapy works with in congruence, CBT works with congnitive distortion a - basically there are so many different ways of understanding our emotions and psychological make up that being very wedded to any one thing can keep us very stuck. It seems that IFS makes sense to you in terms of how you experience yourself, based on your therapists explanation, which you believe. But what you experience can be explained in a dozen other ways, which may also be helpful now or at some other time - I think having a long term T schooled in one approach can be restrictive and unhelpful - it can equally provide a constant, secure space depending on the T and the relationship.

I guess what I'm thinking is if it works for you, ie you can see growth and change and aren't spending more time fixing problems in the relationship than actually working on the stuff that brought you there, then go for it. But if you feel stuck in the same loop over and over, it may be time for a break or a change.

But didnh't she try to explain the "parts" system that if you want to ice-cream but want to be skinny at the same time, it's in fact your child part wanting icecream and adult part wanting to be skinny?

That sounds very far-fetched and stretching it.


But to be honest, I dislike the whole concept of "inner child" and it is on my list "what is wrong with today's society" (because it seems to be so.... enabling, pampering... and only for those who can "afford" it).



I don't know, maybe you are talking real problems in therapy instead of therapy-created problems. I honestly hope so.

Anyways, in the bipolar forum I often said that if the mainstream thing of meds and therapy does not work you, as it doesn't work for many, one needs to be hella resourceful.... What other things have you tried to deal with your stuff? Do you have any means of channeling the emotions, any person to talk to, religion to comfort you, activities to help you truly unwind and/or make you feel worthy.... ?

Hey Rainbow.... I'm just curious, do you have kids? I'm really glad you have a string of friends to keep you busy while you're still mourning the loss.

I just want to say one can be married, and have love for their spouse, but that doesn't mean it's happy and fulfilling. Doesn't mean we don't love them any less, or miss them if they're gone. Someone said you didn't have many good things to say about your husband when he was a live, but I'm sure you love him regardless, and being alone after being with someone is a very hard change. How long were you married? I think I read somewhere that you've never been alone before. That's a VERY HARD transition for anyone!

Just replying to a few posts in one.... I also don't "get" parts therapy myself...but I think if someone embraces that, and it works for them, that's great! That's why there are so many different types of therapy out there....because we're all very different.

Hugs to you Rainbow, you are doing a great job!

Hi Rainbow,

I don't have any incredible words of wisdom... I just wanted to let you know I understand. I feel the same way about my T... She is in a relationship with a woman (no judgment on my part at all, but it's something I've never encountered in my network of family and friends so I feel a lot of emotions about it), and she got engaged this past summer. I fell apart. Completely fell apart. She doesn't know this yet (I told her I'm not ready to talk about it), but I feel even more effected by the fact her partner is a female... The jealousy is tenfold versus if her fiance were a male. It's all so messed up in my head. I think about it way way way too much... I know this isn't helpful, but I just wanted to let you know I understand and can appreciate where you're coming from. I wish you the best of luck as you go through this journey.

Hi Rainbow,
I always admire your courage And authenticity with your t and I am sure she does too. I can relate to a lot of your posts and your feelings with your t but I have never had the opportunity to look at them. I did once try but she shut it down almost immediately. So I enjoy seeing how your t handles your feelings and works through them so well with you. This is the deepest work you can do in therapy and it's confusing, heartbreaking, tiring and worth it if handled correctly. I admire your t also, she does a great job.
Do you think the feelings have gotten worse since the passing of your husband perhaps? Now that you are alone and missing the connection and seeing t happy and engaging in a new relationship is like a mirror reflecting back everything you are missing right now. I find myself falling for unavailable ts who can't give me what I want and it's a hard vicious cycle but you and I both know there is a whole lot more to it. The mere fact that we fall in love with our ts is symbolic of the great work they do with us and gives us a peak into what we need in a relationship outside of t. I am not saying you should enter into a new relationship rainbow because only you know if and when you would like to do that. I am saying that this is an insight into what you crave and desire in an intimate relationship. Things you never got as a child.

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