Lastly I truly believe women who are comfortable with their sexual appetites as in they don't flaunt it their not anything extreme or out of the ordinary people. They aren't dressing trashy or try to hard to get affection they are really caring, but deep down they don't mind trying new things with sex with someone they are in a relationship with. I don't believe they exist in my generation. I think their gone like I'm always around. These all or nothing types who just want me to be dragged around miserable in their bs and not feeling I have a say. It's what it appears, but I can't assume anything. I don't even know I don't even know what is good or what I like, because it never showed up ever.

the worst feelings is being used for looking good or being told you have a nice **** or butt or or arms or face stomach whatever but really they tell me how good looking I am or if it's about sex at times but never tell me how they enjoy me happy or smiling. I don't know. or the opposite where I'm always ignored and told you're cute but not my type all the time or some excuse people like to waste my time. I don't let people in how can I go up to a girl and make any quick chemistry happen when all they do is play games no matter how many hoops and obstacles you are showing your legitimacy they don't care period. They use it because women like abusing this side of me. I hate being vulnerable and I'm always angry and push people away who pretend to like me because I know their pretending they don't talk to me before I push them away and they don't ask me how I'm doing they are very superficial and I hate this. Why does it all work out for everyone else around me and I'm told well idk? sorry... like I don't even know anyone.

I know I'll be a freaking skeleton one day and no one wants to be near me because I look like death, because I'm starved emotionally and physically at that point.