Hi, I'm new here. I have so many overwhelming feeling I don't know where to start. So here it goes:
I have such pain deep inside because of my family. Not my husband and daughter. They are great. But with my extended family on my side. They have been so toxic for me. My parents died when I was twenty three and ever since then the rest of the family disintigrated. I have tried for about twenty years to make things better but nothing works. They are very toxic. It makes me so sad inside. Even my own twin sister is really bad. They are always negative and jealous. Even the nieces of the one sister are that way. It tears me up inside. I have always tried to be there for them, especially my twin and her boys. She is very destructive and an alcoholic. Her boys always came to me for help and now that they are teenagers they want nothing to do with me or my husband. They were like my sons because they had such horrible parents and it is shocking to me that they do not want to talk to us anymore. We always helped them and even at one point wanted them to live with us. I wish we could move far away to get away from the memories here. I have not spoken with them in about a year. I can't take it anymore. I've thought of seeing a therapist to help me with these feelings. I tried and tried for so many years and I think I made things worse for my daughter. They are so unfeeling and also bipolar. And only think about themselves. I sometimes wonder how they came from my parents who were great parents. It makes me feel so lonely. I need to get a handle on these feelings. My poor husband sees my pain and I know it hurts him. He is great. They hurt him so bad too. He tries so hard too make me happy and he does but that pain inside is so deep. Especially around the Holidays. Sorry for the long rant. I just needed to let this out. I am not depressed about life in general just how sad that my own blood and I mean all of them could be so sad and narcissistic. I try to take each day as it comes and try to make happiness outside these people and I try to find new people which is hard. I have tried and encounter some of these same traits. But we keep trying. They are good people out there you just have to find them.
Well I finally saw a therapist. I was actually relieved I finally did it. Well I went last week and it was okay. I let out a lot but I felt no direction from her. So I was all over the map for an hour. But it still felt good to let some of it out. So I thought it was a start. Well anyway I went for my second visit yesterday. When I first sat down she said what you are going through is basically a death of your whole family so you are grieving. Okay that makes sense so now I need to handle it and work through this process I guess. Well the whole hour she talked about getting on the internet and joining group or clubs to meet new people to make a new circle or family for me and my husband. Okay sounds great in principle. And I will try to do these things, but she made me feel that talking about my sadness was not what I needed. We did not even talk about it again for the whole hour. She sat on the internet and looked up things I could join. What do you think of that? Isn't a therapist supposed to help you with your feelings and help you get them out to heal? I understand the meeting other people but to make people a new family well that seems very hard. I don't think I will be going back to her. I just want to let all these emotions and feelings out. Sorry for the rant I am just really sad about this. And wanted an opinion. Thanks.