Just when I thought I was ready to let go of the past and let Joy and happiness into my life, I was struck by another thought. I went for a walk and felt.. Sad, as per usual. I started to wonder - 'Is it really not OK to be sad, or could I find Joy in the freedom to be sad - the freedom to be me.'

I feel like I've been running a race, trying to get to and through the grieving process as quickly as possible. And now, I've realised it's because I feel I've been guilt tripped into believing there's something wrong with feeling sad.

Family and friends have always told me to 'not think about it/think positively/do something fun' to get over grief. I know they probably say these things because that's what they've been told, but this kind of advice doesn't work for me at all. For the life of me, I cannot understand why we shouldn't feel all our emotions.

I also believe there are things that some people are never going to 'get over', like abandonment, losing a loved one, illness.. We're probably always going to be reminded of those things, on birthdays and anniversaries, or every day if we're in pain, and OF COURSE, we're going to feel sad over all the losses we've experienced. What's wrong with that? I actually think feeling sad is a good thing - it means we've once cared about something or someone.

I don't want to have to pretend to be something I'm not - to feel something I don't! But I think I need to hear it from someone else, too, for it to 'come true' Then it won't really matter when someone thinks differently, I'll know the truth that works for me.