I've never taken the opportunity to say so before, so let me remedy that now. I've read a number of your posts as I've made my way around the forum and I think you're pretty awesome. Just thought you should know.

Anyway, as for this other stuff - this is how I've dealt with similar issues. It's worked for me, your mileage may vary. I think about it and decide what the healthiest and most effective behavior with the person pressing my buttons will be and then I call on my inner thespian. My life, and I suspect yours too, have made us very accomplished actors and actresses. I get into character and then simply act my way through. Usually, it's very effective because I've thought it through when anxiety wasn't getting in the way. If I really embrace the role I am playing, I feel no anxiety or uncertainty until afterwards - and almost 100% of the time, it went better than it would have if I had shown up.

There's something to be said for 'fake it till you make it'. After a while, it becomes second nature when dealing with these people and they become little more than a minor annoyance. At least that's how it has worked for me.