Since about this february, i've been having these "flashes" (seeing pics or short films in my head) where i see myself doing something extremely violent mostly to myself but sometimes even to others.

Pdocs have talked about INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS.

i've read they are typically associated to OCD and thats why im posting it here. i hope its the right forum for this. anyway,

i agree with the fact that they come involuntarily, but even though they are violent and sometimes shock me, I WANT THEM.

they HELP me feeling less ALONE, help me EXPRESSING negative emotions, and show me THE WAY, and what i HAVE and WANT to do, so they are not unwanted! I WANT THEM!!!

how can the two match?
being involuntary but wanted?

and am i sick for wanting them? and missing them when meds make them go away?

what is this?
any opinion is greatly appreciated. im SO confused. thanks.

PS. TOMORROW I HAVE T SESSION AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY.