I haven't noticed time moving since sometime back in October, I guess. I usually measure the movement of time by holidays, rather than seasons, as in my part of the country the seasonal changes are minimal.

Don't recall much before Halloween and it seems as if I've just been laying in bed since then. My birthday was in November, then there was Christmas and New Years and nothing has changed over three months much less over the past 8-9 days.

A couple of days ago I found photos on the web from my uni reunion taken in 2009. Everyone looked so OLD. I had to look hard for any resemblance in the photos to the people that I knew then and I failed 98% of the time.

My uncle – my last remaining uncle – died last week at 84. That may be the first mark of the new year for me.

And I am having the most incredible delusions. I wish that I could just continue in them and believe them because they are so much more life affirming than anything else I might do. To be honest, I can't even say how I spend my waking hours any longer. I don't watch television, read, use my "big" computer, etc. I have my iPad in bed with me and I frequently will just read news articles for 30 minutes and then doze for an hour.

My psychopharmacologist allowed me to run out of Seroquel and I just looked a few minutes ago and, yes, I am experiencing some of the symptoms of withdrawal. She would kill me if I told her that I looked it up on the net because she has this belief that no one should know about the drugs that they put in their body.

And, for whatever reason, I feel angry again.

Welcome to the new year, each and every one of you.

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