You may think your words are unorganized and just a rant, but I was in the same place during HS. A decade later and I'm cycling back through. I have built myself based on what others needed or thought I should be. There is a lot of emptiness in exhibiting the "strong one" behavior. Take care of yourself. Writing is a great way to figure out your feelings. Counseling may help too-- don't let that option intimidate you. Warm wishes, Eccentric Angel!