Sometimes for big changes to occur we have to take big chances and put alot on the line. But it is so hard for a person with anxiety and depression to push themselves to be able to take any risks. In a way it reminds me of the movie of "the girl next door." It is too easy to just fall into The typical life of working a 9-5 for a paycheck in order to pay the bill. Then they entertain themselves with superficial friends superficial entertainment, living vicariously through
Hollywood. I have been living what you have described, I see no point to anything. I have forced so many things in my life that I don't even have any accomplishments that I am truly proud of, there is nothing interesting to do other than what I have to do. Even in crowded places I feel like I can hear a pin drop because I feel so isolated and distant from everyone else. Sorry I really have no answers for you other than telling you that you aren't alone and maybe look into stoic philosophy.