Need to put this here or it will swirl around in my head all night.

I wish I could be one of those people who doesn't care about food or their bodies. Who are thin because they find eating and other self-care to be chores rather than pleasurable activities. Who forget to eat for days or stop eating despite not being full sometimes because it's boring, or they have more interesting, intellectual things to do. I end up feeling like, by comparison, I'm low and disgusting, little more than a crawling animal with no capacity for *higher* thought, no mental life of any value but is only concerned with her body.

But I remain preoccupied. I eat even if I'm not hungry, or if I'm bored because I'm not interested enough in anything for that long. I think about food sometimes even if I'm thinking about other things. It's like a compulsion at times and I hate it.