I can not sit still. All day I've been pacing and cleaning and running around with a four year old.

I wish I could go to a park or run around the block, but it's freezing outside.

Maybe I'm just having restlessness from haldol.

But I take 1mg of cogentin a day for that. It sort of works I guess.

I like haldol and take it at night because it makes me sleepy and slurry and calms me down and and helps me sleep, since they took me mostly off of seroquel in the hospital.

But I'm afraid to completely stop taking the seroquel until I see my pdoc because I don't see her until february 1st, which seems a long time away. And when I went to court I signed this paperwork that said I need to stay on my meds and not drink or do drugs and keep all of my appointments and get a therapist, which I'm going to work on tomorrow.

I have a million people I need to call tomorrow, and I hate making phone calls. My phone sometimes has really bad reception and it's hard to hear people once in awhile. And I have to call my social worker and set up an appointment with him, but it sucks because it's almost a forty five minute drive to get to that courthouse. If we lived across the street I'd be able to go to the courthouse in town.

Last year at the end of january I had a really bad manic/mixed episode with psychosis and ended up in the hospital involuntarily. It was a torturous experience! I never want to experience anything like that again!

So, I guess the point of this is that I'm worried about having another mixed episode now.

When I had it last year though I was only on lamictal and clonazepam.

I always have this fear now that I'm going to go psychotic again.

Anyone else afraid of things like this?