My self-esteem is much higher when I'm "up", however, as you said some hurts are so deep that even that high cannot overcome this. It comes about when I see a beautiful girl, I still cannot approach her, I mean I can and I might but I won't dare to ask her out, it's so rooted deep inside that even hypomania can't overcome this.

Other than that, I feel smarter and sharper than most people around me