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Originally Posted by CassyO
My flashbacks started in September last year, and are still pretty much daily. Im in my late thirties. The very first flashback was the very worst - where the whole of me felt like I experiencing it. Now its not so bad. I get mainly physiological effects with little emotional / mental involvement. (I am completely aware where I am, what Im doing when it happens).
Over time I've started building a picture. So where as the first flashback was horrific and traumatising it was only maybe a minute or two of an event which I had no previous recollection of. It easily could have been brushed off as my sick and twisted imagination. Over the months my memories have increased so there are relatively few blanks. My T described it perfectly as watching a plant grow. Each time I visit it, it has a few more leaves. Because Im now seeing a bigger picture, Im finding it harder to say I imagined this all, that it is a delusion. The original flashback memory is now maybe twenty minutes long - and has been joined by many others.
Its looking more and more likely these memories are real memories. And whats more, the more I read about this phenomena (and I only read 'text' books, not self help or personal stories) the more I understand that what I am going through is an absolutely text book CSA survivor experience. There is reams of information for therapists on what causes recovered memories, how to identify memories from delusions, and how to treat it. I think you are right to question continuing with your current T ---- she does not sound well read or knowledgeable or empathic to your situation.
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Hi
Thanks for your post. For me the memories are very real and the flashbacks. Its like I'm watching a movie at age 12 of everything that was done to me. I just feel I'm not being validated by this service where I see the new T. I rang her just before. I said I needed to get off my chest about what she thinks about my flashbacks? She said human nature is complex and kept saying 'I don't know' to my questions. She said she couldn't talk about it right now on the phone but could talk more about it at our next appointment. From speaking to other T's there, I just feel they don't really believe in my memories of being sexually abused because it is outside their understanding of how it should manifest. Basically if it doesn't fit within the norm of most people I get a sense it is disregarded and so don't believe the validity of my memories.
PH