So my session came and went. Went in with three things on my list only managed to get two out. The last one was to painful. He tried relaxation with me to help me talk about it, but it was no use, I was so anxious that I could of climbed the walls in his office. The anger release sessions will be taken slow, he talked with his collegue and and she told him that for CSA survivors the anger release has to be taken slow, otherwise if it came to fast and to quick it could backfire and set me way back in my healing. So he is still thinking of how to do this.

After all that we talked about, and me telling him that the suicide idealations are so strong right now, that I asked my minister that if something happened to me that I wanted her to handle my eulogy, he then tells me he is gone for the rest of the week and in and out next week, I don't go to him until the 31st.........so that didn't set well with me and I voiced my opinion, because I am in a panic now with him here, how do I do it without him. So he told me I can email everyday or call if talking to him will help........he isn't going anywhere!!! So that made me alittle at ease........I am going to call the child protective services on my brother, he remarried in Feb and his new wife has a 8 year old daughter...........................I am so scared at what will happen, speaking out isn't what I have been taught alll my life..............I know this is something I have to do for that little girl...........she cannot go through this........I don't even know if he is abusing her, but I don't believe he isn't, not after what he has done to me lately................I know I am just ranting here..........and that I am not making sense and that this is probably not what anyone wants to hear...........but at least writing it helps me with my feelings...........