I'm a gay guy and have a somewhat embarrassing fetish: I like fat guys :/ no other way of saying it really! I like a belly on a guy and find guys in the 250-350lb weight range especially attractive. However, superchubs do not do it for me, so there is a limit I guess. There is a feederism aspect to it as well and I have always battled urges to gain myself.

This has caused so much distress that I developed an eating disorder when I was a teenager that almost killed me. Not an overexaggeration, my kidneys were starting to fail. I'm sure there are other factors involved but the shame around this kink and desire to control it definitely contributed. It makes me feel so ashamed that I sometimes don't feel I deserve to live and I just want to hide away from everyone. I understand that it's very unhealthy and the way it is portrayed in the media makes me feel like a freak.

And unfortunately, due to carelessness on my part, my sister found YouTube videos on my iPad of guys...and their bellies. I overheard her talking about it on the phone to her friends saying it was 'weird' and 'disgusting' which was awful, obviously.

Not really sure what to do with this now, this attraction won't go away so I need to come to terms with it somehow! Any advice?

Thanks.