I do have to say that getting older affects both partner's libido and therefore the urge to initiate. Both my wife and I have had health issues which have also hurt our desires. When we first met, my wife was the initiator...she was constantly in need of sexual activity so when she wanted some...well we had it. I, on the other hand, have always been a rather submissive man let others tell me what they want and what to do. Additionally, being gay rather lowered my experience when it came to heterosexual sexual activity.

I know at one point my wife just told me that she was tired of taking the lead and that I needed to be a man. Believe me...I understand her point of view, but that isn't who we are. Even when I'm trying to initiate and talk control...she still controls what I do. She can't let go of the control...and well, it not in my nature for both heterosexual and homosexual activity to be inituate and control.

What I'm trying to say is that it is difficult to just expect the other partner to just switch these roles. Sexual intimacy has to include two people and both have to understand and agree to their roles. This requires some level of teamwork and coordination. Many times our normal roles have been in place for years or decades...they can't be changed overnight with any level of success.