I understand that if they aren't asking us for help, it isn't out business, but the minute they do, it is our business. SS has talked to us about this issue before, thereby making it our business. As for my husband it is absolutely his business as he wants the best for his son. We all want them to be successful and are happy to help but not when you aren't helping yourself.

We want to help them by discounting the price of the car and think maybe that will help motivate her in getting a job. But, I understand, if we sell them the car, it is theirs to do with what they will. No strings attached. I get that. A gift is a gift.

DH's ex called Saturday, she paid SS rent this month and he asked her for money to pay the electric and she said no. We went over there to give them their Christmas gifts and yes, we did have a talk with them. We took them to lunch and we bought them a couple weeks worth of groceries since they had nothing but bread and milk and no money. And we let them know that until GF is working and at least trying to help, there is no more financial assistance from us, and that his mother says no more from her either. (I will believe it when I see it.)

It turns out GF isn't babysitting regularly, it was just one week. She is not depressed or stupid, the house is clean, she cooks meals, so she is fully functioning. We know this. She isn't highly skilled, but did graduate high school so there is no reason for her not to work other than her lack of personal motivation. I don't think that she is using SS per se, she loves him, and he is so blinded by his love for her, that he wont put his foot down.

We are done giving financial assistance, we will see what happens next month.