Is your step-son working himself? Two salaries is nice and pretty much the norm these days, but, if his wages don't even allow them to have food in the refrigerator, then what business do they have "playing house," like they are an independent couple?

He is lazy and irresponsible. So the girl he has attracted as a partner is lazy, too. Oh, what a surprise. Neither one of them is going to grow up, while they have relatives paying their way in life.

So, when the girlfriend gets a job, then you are willing to help them more? Why? All this help is nonsense. Giving gifts to a young couple starting out is fine, but not when they seem to have no responsibility to do anything for themselves.

Everyone is infantilizing this young man. The main goal seems to be to get the girl to join in and take care of him also. You say she needs "to help." To help what? If this young man can't pay his rent, then it would be best for him to lose the apartment. Then he can move back in with his mom, or go to a homeless shelter, or find a sugar mama to support him, or do whatever. That's his problem to figure out. Both sets of parents are trying to figure out how to keep his lifestyle afloat. That's not your job. That's his job. Sometimes, people need to fail. He had no business getting this apartment. He can't afford it. Let him fail. He'll learn something. You all are making it impossible for him to learn anything, other than how to sponge off of people. Forget about what the girlfriend is or isn't doing. He's got no business living with any girl. Before you know it, there'll be a baby in the picture. That will be because you all are enabling something that shouldn't be happening.

When he asks your husband for help, the answer should be: "No, Son. You need to support yourself. If you can't, then maybe you need to consider a career as a gigolo. Find a well-off woman who will pay for the joy of having you around." Is he very good-looking? Does he have loads of charm? If not, then maybe this loser girlfriend is the best he could attract.

In any case, maintaining his lifestyle should be his problem. How is he going to afford insurance on the car, when he can't even pay the rent and keep the lights on? How can he pay anything for this car?

If your husband doesn't have a history of taking from your household budget to fund his son, then you really don't have a gripe. What bio-mom does is her business. When and if your husband starts spending significant money on paying your son's expenses, then you will have something to be concerned about.

I can't help but wonder - How old is this stepson? More than likely, his character is formed and trying to sponge off of people is his way of getting by. He's probably going to always do that to whatever extent he can get away with. His mom enables this approach to life, and she is unlikely to change, either . . . as you have figured out yourself. You and your husband can "have a talk with them" till you're blue in the face. That won't change anything. This guy never gets to face any consequences to anything. So now you've decided you are going to impose consequences on the girl's behavior. If he wants to have an unemployed girlfriend, that's his business. Let him face the consequences of his own decisions. His mom will always give to him inappropriately. That doesn't mean you have to.

It's not him who needs to put his foot down to the girlfriend. He needs to grow up himself. Your focus is on this girl, which is not where it belongs.