I've been on a tremendous low since about November and starting to feel the physical symptoms after restarting medication. That tight feeling at the back of my throat and the slight hum in my head. I had forgotten about these little things. Also forgot earlier to space out the tablets and just took the 3 at once on an empty stomach. End up with that horrible excess acidic feeling at the top of your stomach that seems impossible to get rid of by later eating or drinking.

The truth is that I did write out a post before and the page timed-out! (I know it says to write it in Word first - I'm an idiot, what can I say?). It was a lovely post. Started off a bit despairing - granted - but had some clear thoughts and even some funny moments. I was proud of it and now it will never see the light. So sad. My mood actually improved just through the process of writing it so that's more gained than lost.

I used to like writing as a coping mechanism. It helped me between the ages of 14-21 but then I had a bad year and I couldn't contain my grief/depression/anxiety/self-loathing/mysanthropy so I had to stop. It was too raw and self-absorbed and I was ashamed of the feelings spilling out of me.

So, my initial post? Truth is I've been in a very dark place for a couple of months now. I just needed to write something somewhere to get things out and I did. It matters not. Believe it or not, it helps a great deal to realise a thought that's been turning in your mind incessantly for a while and get it down somewhere. That's what writing used to be to me - a way to release pressure. I never should have stopped because the pressure gauge has been firmly in the red many times since. Who cares what comes out as long as the pressure goes down?