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alexandra_k said:
What did he say when you asked him if you could have therapy by email because you can't bear to look at him? I used to wish that I could have therapy by email for precisely that reason. Turns out that he is rather hopeless with the email medium, however. Bummer.

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Well he looked amused, but I didn't give him the chance to say anything right away because I went on about how expressing myself verbally is useless really, when I'm perfectly fine using other mediums to convey my thoughts/feelings, i.e. art, music, journaling, poetry. I said I was never any good with verbal expression. He said, "Is it that you weren't good at verbally expressing yourself or is it that no one was listening?" Then I wanted to punch him. I always want to punch him when he comes out with one of those.

Hey, that's a pretty huge thing to tell your T, about what your mother did. I am so sorry that happened to you. I remember when I told T how my sister (who is 14 years older than me) told me that when I was a little girl my mother would sometimes go like a week without bathing me... and my sister would say, "Don't you think it's time to give her a bath?" And my mom would give some vague response, but not do anything about it.... so my sister would bathe me. When I told T that, I wanted to die. It was so shameful. I tend to feel like the things my mom did are a reflection of me as a person now. Like he's going to think I am horrible and disgusting and weird because of it.