Back in October I went to my primary doctor and got on Wellbutrin, because I anticipated I would go through a bout of depression in winter. I was right. I was seeing a counselor but stopped so I would have money to get in some results-oriented therapy.
For three months I took the Wellbutrin at night, because that's always when I've taken my pills. Wasn't until a few weeks ago that I learned I should be taking it in the morning. I've been doing that, but it's not going well. I'm still depressed most days that I have to work, and my lack of symptoms at home makes my boyfriend think I'm just lazy or don't like my job, even though I do. A couple days after I started taking the pills in the morning, I had some mania-like symptoms in the morning and early afternoon. One day it felt like I had way too much caffeine, which I'm sensitive to, and almost gave me a panic attack. A little later the same day, I started giggling at the absurdity of feeling both happy and anxious, and couldn't stop laughing for a while.

A while back I finally dealt with my insurance to find out which psychiatrists are in our network. As it turns out, only psychiatrists attached to the hospital from which the insurance comes. My mom works there and I'm on her insurance, but I turn 26 this November and will lose it then. I did a search on the insurance site for any psychiatrists in network within 20 miles of me. I read every page of the results and literally came up with only three that are not associated with the hospital: an Autism center, a brain injury center, and one private practice woman who apparently got driven out of town by the hospital, because all of her phone numbers were disconnected. So I buckled down and called the outpatient psychiatry department. I was hopeful, the website said they do comprehensive psychological testing, pharmacological guidance, and "evidence-based" therapies. It even said most appointments could be made within two weeks.
Well THAT was BS. I called and they didn't have an opening until March 3rd. They told me to try to get an appointment somewhere else if I could, but they'd put me down for that date in case I couldn't find anyone. The receptionist even said that most people were having trouble finding anyone else. With thousands of people depending on the hospital for crappy HMO insurance, I'm not surprised.

But what do I do now? There's no one else I can go to. I'm kinda thinking I should change medications, or add one, or change the dosage, but I'm not really sure I should go back to my general practitioner for that. It feels like she'd just be making a shot in the dark. Should I just keep taking the Wellbutrin? Maybe taking it at the wrong time set me back a lot and it will take another three months taking it in the morning before I'll know if it works?

All I know is, I'm tired of crying on my way to work, of counting the minutes until I can go home, of dreading every second that I have to spend interacting with people. I don't know if I can wait over seven weeks.
I don't know what to do.