Baybrony,
I had such a similar experience with a woman in my congregation about 12 years ago that it gave me an eerie, unsettled feeling reading about your experience. While some of the details of your story differed, what you went through with your spiritual "sister" mirrored many of the things that took place between me and my friend. I'm so sorry you went through that, and sorrier that it cost you your Chrisitan faith.
I also had a crisis in my faith as a result of the betrayal I experienced by my friend. But I've been trying to hang onto my faith, knowing that it is imperfect people themselves, and not God, who failed me in my time of need. Still, I totally understand how devastating it feels to put such a great deal of faith and love in someone who says they love us in return, and who we trust would be there for us if we fall into crisis. To experience a crisis then, and not get the support you need can feel devastating. I felt emotionally destroyed myself. It took me 7 years before I could talk about it without crying. This woman had been like a mother to me, or at least I felt that way toward her. We had been close for 5 years.
For a long time, I didn't think I would ever get over what happened. I didn't think I could ever think about it without feeling that stab of pain and grief and having the whole thing flood over me again. But the pain is largely gone now. It does fade, but very slowly. Now that I am finally able to look more objectively at what happened, I have learned a great deal of valuable information the will help me avoid repeating that terrible experience.
If you want to know more about it, feel free to pm me. I hope that you will reach a time and place where you will be ready to love and trust someone again, and that person turns out to be worthy of it.
Peaches
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Originally Posted by BayBrony
It didn't happen with my T but it happened with my "big sister" at church. A relationship that spanned over a decade. We were so close I spent holidays at her house etc and we talked every day.
In retrospect there were personality issues I should have been aware of in the beginning. But I was desperate to be loved. And for a very long time she loved me more than anyone in my life ever had. She was literally my family to me since I an estranged from.my abusive FOM.
Then I got sick. I was hospitalized multiple times. They couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. I was in excruciating pain and saw specialist after specialist. I had iv treatments in hospital monthly but they couldn't figure it out. I was losing weight, getting weak, lost my period, excruciating muscle pain constantly....
In retrospect now with almost a decade behind me I can admit that I got very clingy and needy and a bit unreasonable. Though I also think.under the same circumstances a lot of people would. I finally got a diagnosis. The disease was not treatable and would change my entire life forever.
She decided she was sick of me. Refused to visit me in the hospital and then sent me an email saying she never wanted to see me again. And she meant it. I saw her husband once to get some of my clothes, books. Dishes etc that had been borrowed back but she never spoke to Me again.
It was utterly devastating. I considered suicide on and off for a year. I cried constantly. I lost interest in my life.
Only two things really helped. The first was time. It still hurts but after 9 years the pain is less fresh.
The other was realizing they she had her own deep seated issues and was acting out of them and it didn't say anything about who I was. That freed me up to trust again though I doubt I'll ever trust anyone the way I trusted my big sister.
It was a devastating journey. But I'm in one piece on the other side. The best thing was to.keep telling myself for the first year or two that it wouldn't always hurt so badly, that sooner or later the pain would finally start to ebb.
I wish you peace in your journey.
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