I'm sorry you are hurting, I can understand you have a valid reason to feel betrayed - particularly in the sense that 1. He has lied to you, 2. he continues to do so without taking in to consideration your strong objections and 3. He seems so 'unfussed' about how you are hurt by his actions.

In fact, I used to feel strongly about porn myself when i was younger (alot of jealously and bitterness and low self esteem chucked in the mix too. Alot of arguments and betrayal and hurt from an ex of mine there (but thats a whole series of stories that i dont have time to occupy my thoughts with any more!)

As time passed, I became more sexually open myself (and even working in the adult industry!) I became at ease with the act and i am not alot more open and 'whatever' about my partner/s watching it. Even now, I have resorted in porn being a major part of my alone time, and if I was to have a partner who disallowed me to watch it, it would either make me resent that person or just make me resort to watching it in secret!

It sounds to me like you both need to re-evaluate the situation as you are both going in different directions reguarding the subject matter, and try and meet in the middle somehow (see each others point of view, even though you really probably dont want to even consider that right now!)

Men (and women) have needs, and by the way you have described your sex life at present it looks like his needs are not being fufilled (which happens in relationships), therefore he is resorting to porn, and even trying to 'reinact' more porn-style sex and bringing that in to his relationship with you. You on the other hand, to him, are the only person that he can turn to to satiate these needs. And I'm afraid to say that they probably wont go away. Relationships are hard work, and maybe the only way to make this situation work is to both open up completely with each other, break that barrier of disagreement (i dont want him to do this, i want to do this) and pull it in to a neutral circle by respecting each other's wants - no matter how hurtful they are to you.

That does not necessarily give him an excuse for his hurtful behaviour and attitute towards you, he is in the wrong for making you feel that way and you have the right to feel the way you are feeling. However, have you maybe considered that he might be being a little on the 'nasty' and disrespectful side as a front? maybe he's embarrassed about being caught watching it and he's just finding his own (however wrong) way to deal with it?

If you feel you cannot do this together, then maybe getting a third party involved such as a couples councellor might be the step forward. Either way, it seems like it's quite a biggie to you both and it's only going to pull you both apart if you both continue to stubbornly tug hard on opposite ends of the rope (meaning that in the nicest way possible!)

I hope you solve the issue, and im really sorry for the way you are struggling xxxxx