Hi c4e, can you realise somewhere inside you that you feel like you don't deserve to be happy because of the abuse? Maybe it's too hard because you are still thinking like the abused little girl. Do you feel bad in some way for disclosing? ALL of this pain is down to your brothers and your father. YOU are a worthwhile person, and it is quite the opposite to what you think, you ARE worth Paul getting punished, and you DO deserve to be happy. After all you've been through. If your T went with your brothers to his house would it necessarily end in violence?

Therapists, huh! I'm glad you spoke up and that you can stay in touch until the 31st.

My heart goes out to you for helping your step-niece, really. I hope that the CPS respond sensitively, and help you through the process. The rest of your family sound very supportive of you, are you going to let them help you too?

Can you use your experience as the adult looking out for your niece, to find the adult part of you to look after your inner child? The threat of Paul coming round must be a HUGE stress. If you can find a way of stopping it, would you feel less suicidal?

We are all here for you. Please believe what I have said about you, and don't kill yourself. If you need to don't be afraid to go to the hospital to keep you safe. This is so much to deal with but once it's done..... I know it won't be all plain sailing from there, but surely it will get easier.

Debbie