No appetite (which isn't unusual for me normally anyway), vomited earlier, a slight headache/buzzy and warm feeling at the front of my brain but got 4 hours sleep last night which is more than the previous days and my mood has moved from crippling despair and imminent destruction to somewhere about 5% better.

Still need to take today's tablets which will require me to put something in my stomach first and it's the last thing I want.

Trying desperately not to show the worst of this bout of depression to family as they are holiday-bound sometime in the next week and I don't want to damage or derail that. A week ago I was really thinking about getting myself sectioned if such a thing were possible as the suicidal thoughts were pretty intense and it wasn't a cry for help. I've a long history of up and down moods and know the scenery pretty well by now but that was about as low as I've been in at least 7 years and I wasn't sure what the outcome might be. I can control things between a certain spectrum but there are times when I slip and there is nothing outside of those thoughts. The power of it and how it touches every part of your life is incredible.

I hope I'm past it. Just the process of restarting medication in the last few days and writing silly little entries to no one in particular moves me forward a bit. I know the tablets have no instant effects but - for whatever reason, call it placebo effect - I'm a little bit better (despite sickness and headaches and that's a trade I'll take every time). Now climb spirit - please climb.