Quote:
Originally Posted by DesigningWoman
I wonder with your boyfriend if you aren't expecting too much. It sounds like you are a bit like me. No one is right because he or she doesn't meet every one of my needs. But your significant other is a person too with many needs of his own. I know I can't meet every one of another person's needs. That would be insanely exhausting.
While couple's counseling might be helpful, I would recommend trying to see things from his perspective. No matter how hard he tries, he will never truly understand your illness or your pain. He can't completely share it. He may may be worried about you constantly. He may even wish he could take your illness on.
Also, something I found helpful is having a diverse group of friends and family. Each person meets a need in me, but no one person is responsible for being everything to me.
For instance, my best friend has mental illness too (we met in an informal support group). I go to him to have conversations with someone who totally understands the way I speak and what I mean. I have a religious person who meets my need for deep talks about the spiritual. I have a therapist to help me work on me. Etc.
I know it's tough to find people when you don't feel well. However it's highly worth making the effort. I try for diversity in experiences, ages, interests, and backgrounds. I try and not overwhelm any one person with all my needs and expectations.
Well, my thoughts and experiences
Keep struggling the good struggle. Never give up.
DW
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I understand what you're saying, but all I really ask from him is to understand that I'm not like him. I can't always just rise to every occasion the way he does. I'm not always comfortable going out and doing all the things he likes to do. But he makes me feel guilty for the limitations my illness causes me as if it were MY CHOICE. And he never tries to compromise with me by doing things that I AM comfortable with. He acts as though my only problem is a bad attitude. He has no idea how bad I would like to be able, CAPABLE of enjoying life again! He has even mocked me for having to take meds just to try to BE a more normal person. If he would just TRY to understand how hard this is for me, I would see HIM in a different light and not be such a horrible person to him. But when I feel as though I'm being judged and ridiculed over something beyond my control, I shut down, get defensive, and act out of hurt. He is too wrapped up in his own happiness to even consider working together as a couple on our problems. In his mind, he KNOWS what's wrong, and it's ME!
And you're right about the diverse friends. I do have friends like that for those same reasons. But he even gives me a hard time about them too sometimes saying that I'd rather spend time with them! Well, yeah, sometimes I would because they don't judge and they understand me. They LISTEN when I need someone to talk to and don't say things like, "I don't want to hear all of that!" And he has even mocked them at times, and tried to make me feel bad for spending time with them. I don't know what to do anymore.