I'm in my mid-30's and have always felt like something was off about my childhood... I had significant emotional issues starting around age 8. I am working on this in therapy, and I recently started thinking about a memory that I've had for a long time, but it's never really hit me like it did a couple of weeks ago. I realized that actually what happened was rape with an object by a babysitter and family friend (I think I was around 5 or 6). I have been working with my therapist on a whole host of issues, and we have finally reached a point where I felt like I needed to talk about it with him. I read a journal entry to him at our last session, and then I had an awful week with panic attacks and horrible anxiety. Last night, he tried approaching the subject, and I was trying to get it out but it was really hard to say the words. He was trying to be reassuring, but I just felt blank. I felt nothing, even when I finally was able to get out a few of my thoughts. I don't think I completely blacked out or anything because I do remember the session. It just felt like I was completely numb. I'm so afraid that my therapist is going to think I wasn't being honest about what happened. He seemed very supportive and I remember him trying to reassure me, but looking back it was like the whole session was just a blur. I drive over an hour home, and I remember the drive feeling like I was in a complete fog. This morning, I feel ok, but still just confused and upset by it.

Has anyone experienced that when you tried to talk about it for the first time?? I trust my therapist very much, so I don't understand why I just shut down when I wanted to talk about it and just get it out of my head.

Thank you...