Quote:
Originally Posted by suezq927
I have a hard time differentiating between what is my true personality vs when the bipolar is affecting my mood/responses. Am I upset bc of my mental state or would I be upset if I didn't have BP affecting my thoughts and feelings? There seems to be a large grey area that I'm having a hard time defining, and I feel it is affecting relationships. It's not believed that the BP can affect me in which I react a certain way rather than how another without BP might do so. Maybe I do have a lot of built up anger that makes me snap. Maybe it is part of the disorder. I have no clue!  |
I struggle with the same questions. I was thinking about it the other day, and about how to explain to a normal person what it's like for me. Maybe you can relate.
The closest description I could come up with is, it's like having two spirits and one soul. One is a bad spirit ( who sees all the negative things, tells you all is lost, there's no hope, you can't do anything right, and generally finds the worst in all people and situations) The other is a good spirit ( who sees everything positive, tells you that you can do anything you set your mind to, everything's going to work out, and sees all things good in your life) Then, there's the soul, stuck in the middle trying to figure out which ones lying, and which ones telling the truth. Because BOTH seem to have very compelling arguments when you're in their cycle. It's frustrating because you can be 100% convinced about something when you're depressed and then equally convinced the opposite is true when you're manic! And since I'm always in some sort of transition, never truly stable, I don't have a chance to figure out what the "soul" itself thinks or feels without the other influences.
Is this something like how you feel?