Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopelesspoppy
I lived inside that bubble for over 15 years. Nobody who hasn't gone through it can really understand the euphoria of the moment and eventually the shame and trauma that compound the abandonment and rejection. Finally I understood that I was never going to get what I really wanted - a meaningful apology or at the very least an acknowledgment of what he did to me. There was no AHA moment, life certainly was not going well in other areas, but I am finally off the roller coaster. Yes, it still hurts and no, I can't discuss it with anybody. It is an unbearable loneliness. Yet, not waiting for or expecting anything from him is a relief. So, dear friend, you are not alone...but you will come back to reality - as ugly as it may seem.
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Glad you are off the roller coaster. An unbearable loneliness. Yes, and shame, yes. I logically think that it should be okay to talk about what I experienced to someone else, like another therapist, you know? I don't know, it's still hard though. I feel like I'm betraying her to talk about it. Feeling alone with that kind of pain is unbearable though isn't it. Thanks for saying I'm not alone. I thought about that recently. It's funny, when people used to say that, "you're not alone," I never knew what it meant. I always felt like, whatever, it's just a trite thing to say, it doesn't really mean anything, nobody knows what I'm going through.
But, now I've changed my mind. I really like the sentiment. Even if nobody knows specifically and I never felt able to tak about it, I do believe other people have survived these emotions and I see you guys here and it does give me strength to know that. So, thank you for sharing that.