I feel as if I don't have stable periods, which is probably why I'm really struggling with identifying what is which. It's been 2 years since dx, and I'm constantly going to my pdoc and meds are being tweaked. She said I'm one that walks on a tightrope. One little change can throw me completely off kilter the other way. Having said this, I'm still having identifying triggers and such which makes it that much harder. Who knows if it's the meds changing, if it's something in my life, if it's having a couple drinks, or just honestly having a bad (or good) day that is the trigger for the episode? I do feel like there's a good side and bad side of me, and I feel as if the bad comes out more so than the good. I know there's a good person in there, and I know everyone has bad days. Obviously I'm very conflicted. I often wonder what someone with a "normal" brain thinks and feels in the same situation once I reflect on the outcome and actions that led to that point...if I had that "normal" brain, would I have done the same thing? I feel like if the answer is yes that it was truly me, but if not, it's the BP. If only I knew what my "normal" brain would think....