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Originally Posted by AtreyuFreak
I've been dating a wonderful guy for about two months. He's one of my best friends, I can tell him almost anything and he treats me like an equal. There are a few catches: he's 15 years older than me (in 23, he's 38); I'm horrible at relationships as I tend to cut and run at the first sign of trouble; and (most importantly) his ex gave birth to his son almost two weeks ago.
In addition to all the borderline stuff that makes relationships so hard for me, now I'm dealing with baby mama drama. And she is not a pleasant one. Manipulative, deceitful, everything's a game to her. She's been using his child as a pawn from the day she found out she was pregnant. And if the courts give her placement, that poor kid is gonna continue to be used and pushed around to suit her selfish needs.
I've asked a few trusted friends about this, and they've all basically said "be patient". And I'm trying. I can recognize when my thoughts/behaviors/emotions are irrational, and I've been feeling very irrational lately. I don't act on it, so from the outside looking in, someone might just assume I'm overtired or stressed. Which is good, that means my facade is working.
I don't know what to do with all these pent up emotions. Sometimes it's hard to breathe. In one day, I'll go from elation at finally having found a nice guy, to doubting whether it'll work out, to anger at what his ex has put him through, to depression cause I'm so drained I can't manage anything else. I'm high-functioning borderline, but in the last month I've felt a lot of things that I haven't felt since high school. And I don't know how to handle it all. I plan to bring all of this up to my t on Monday. Any advice or words of encouragement are much appreciated.
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I'm dating a guy who has two kids with his ex-wife who is really mentally ill and in denial about it. She lies pathologically (recently lied about having cancer) she lies so much you never know what is the truth; she flies into rages and leaves screaming, cursing, ugly messages for him; she mentally, emotionally, and occasionally physically abuses the kids; she has moved 1,000 miles away twice in the last two years (moved 1,000 miles west, then moved another 1,000 east a year later); when she had both kids she never took them to the doctor or the dentist, in spite of receiving significant child support + 100% of medical bills covered... She is the kind of person that makes you question if people can be evil. Her kids hate her. We have the 15 year old now, he couldn't take it and asked to live with his dad, and we are in the process of legal proceedings to get the 11 year old. They both need lots of therapy from having her as a mother. It causes a tremendous amount of stress and worry on my bf and on me because I care about him and his kids.
The sound of her voice makes me have a physical reaction. She's cyberstalked me, she used to write about me in a blog she kept "anonymously", I've been afraid at times that she might make an attempt on my life or my boyfriend's life... So basically, how much are you willing to deal with because you love this guy? Are you willing to raise his child? Are you willing to have his ex-wife in YOUR life? Because as long as you are with him she will be in your life too. Are you ok with knowing that drama will always be right around the corner and it will always be bs and you will never know when it's coming? Are you cool with your boyfriend not having much money because he's in legal battles and paying child support? (Not saying that money should be a deciding factor in a relationship but it does hinder stuff like going on vacations, how often you're able to go to restaurants and the movies, what kind of gifts he can get you, etc.) If it were me, I'd gtfo. I love my bf but there are days when I think about how peaceful and calm my life would be if he wasn't in it, not because of him but because of his ex-wife and kids. I've worked really hard to be at the place I'm at emotionally and the fact that a lot of drama comes along with loving him is definitely an issue for me sometimes. You're 23. Do you want kids of your own? Do you think you see this going that way? Are you cool with worrying his ex might hurt your children? Or brainwash her kid into bullying or hurting your children?
Lots of questions you really need to figure out the answers to because his ex may never get any help so she will always be exactly the way she is right now.
