I feel like I need to confess, I need to get this out of my mind before it turns me completely mad. I feel like I can't do it anymore, like I can't go on to a point...

I am a postgraduate student, I am not the best one in the course, but still assuming how little work I am actually able to do, I am doing all fine in the university. I didn't want to be a burden for my mother so I found a part time job and I try to make my own money. I do have my few friends I meet from time to time and get along very well with classmates too. And...
I feel so freaking unhappy, sad, destroyed, depressed, melancholic, that I feel like the life is totally meaningless for me.

My whole life I've been preoccupied with the idea of being an artist. I've been appreciated for my talents ever since I was a little child and invested a great deal of time to planning my future as an independent creative being. it's been a long time since I lost my motivation for creating. I can't see a reason as why should I do anything at all... I try to do what is absolutely necessary for my survival and happiness of those around me, but doing anything more than that is just absolutely draining.
I am pathetically lazy, I basically don't do anything at all until there's some serious thread in front of me. I feel like I am absolutely wasting my life, my time and my talent for being none and doing nothing... But I can't seem to motivate myself, I can't get up and just do stuff... I feel absolutely burnt out, worthless and pathetic.Nothing makes me really happy and everything seems empty and meaningless. People to me seem stupid and boring, my job is killing my individuality and idealism, this whole world is killing my individuality and I can't stand it anymore.
I feel like I can't be my real self and I can't find my real self either. Everything is pushing on me with obligations and stupidity that I hate.

I am extremely self centered and egoistic. I feel like I am not worth of anything anymore and I can't step out of my own shadow.

I do go to a therapy , but I feel pathetic sitting there and talking about how everything in my life seems to be just fine... I mean there are people out there with real troubles and real problems and I am just lazy and unmotivated.

I don't know what to do anymore... I feel like I am wasting everything I have and won't ever be able to be more of a person than I am now. I try hard, but I fail every time, there's nothing that would keep me going, that would motivate me to do anything.
All the time I hear from people "just don't waste your talent" ... well thank you, tell me how. 'Cause I have no idea and I just wish this would end somehow...
I really do hate myself, the person I've become and the more I hate on myself the less I am able to change and the worse I am becoming. I feel like falling down the pit of my own personality discovering corners that are further and further from any light. I can't change... I can't become better even though I try every day.

I sometimes think I like to just sit here and pity myself and think of myself as the misunderstood artist... Sometimes it's warm and comforting, but at the end of the day...it doesn't bring anything, I just stagnant and stagnant and became a piece of s**t . I feel like I should just be drunk or drugged 24/7 to be able to even stand my own self and because most of the time I feel like I just deserve a good punch and kick.
I feel chronically bored and worn out.

I just really don't know how to change this anymore. I'd take any advice, or words of clarity as to what is wrong and how to solve it.