Hi Wants2Fly,

I would like to second Ozzie' s post. When we have had some illness, especially if it effects our emotional lives, we lose the capacity to see others faults with any confidence. We can get into the trap of thinking that anything that goes wrong in our relationships is down to ourselves.

That is a mistake, and it's so unhelpful for us.

Candybear told us something about her adopted son and I'd like to share something also. (I may already have posted this somewhere, I can't remember)

My first marriage was stormy, and when my first wife left I had problems seeing my baby daughter. Eventually I agreed to let my first wife adopt my daughter with her new husband.

30 years later my daughter turns up and guess what she tells me? She has had a 'very stormy' time with her mother who has now divorced from the second husband and my daughter is not living with either of them. She told me that her mother said she was 'bad' because she had a 'bad' natural father. She tells me that she can't relate with her mother and relies on her stepfather mostly.

This is a sad, sad thing. After two meetings she tells me that she can't handle the contact with me. She says she can see that I'm a good person, but the emotions are too strong for her and her mother is still bitter about me. The pain is excruciating, but it is for her, not for me. I can see that there is no future in it for us, and I accept her decision gracefully.

BUT, since that unhappy first marriage I have put together another marriage, 25 years strong, and I have another daughter who is as easy with me as I could ever wish.

My point. I spent a lot of time beating myself up about being a difficult person to live with, and blaming myself for the arguments with my first wife, and then in a different marriage I don't have any trouble. I must admit that, at the time of the adoption I did have a suspicion that events would turn out this way, but I hoped that with me off the scene my first wife would ease up a bit.

I should point out here that I don't want to demonise my first wife too much. I learned from that marriage, and I have been able to put those lessons into my second marriage. I have learned when to hold back, and the importance of listening. As a young man, I was probably quite a handful.

Anyway, this is only my view of events, and it's oversimplified, but the point is good. If you are having an empty time with an intimate partner, maybe it's not your own diagnosis that is entirely to blame. It's too easy to pin all the blame on ourselves, it takes two people to mess things up.

I think that people on this board are generally more reflective and self aware than most, as we have a lot of stuff to deal with, and we deserve some credit for that.

Wants2Fly, I hope things work out for you. I think that you're a good person.

Myzen