Quote:
Originally Posted by AtreyuFreak
I honestly don't know what I can handle. I'm more stable now than I've ever been, but I don't know how far that gets me. So far, I've been able to handle everything but I haven't dealt with her directly. I know she has a temper, but from everything my boyfriend has told me, she's much more neglectful than physically abusive. However, I'd be amazed if she doesn't emotionally abuse her kids, because of the way she talks to my boyfriend and all the stupid manipulative games she plays. Amusingly, I don't believe she's all that smart cause he and I can see through her bs every time.
I'm not sure what the future holds or if this relationship will work but my boyfriend is amazing so I have to give it a chance. We're both living paycheck to paycheck and he's been saving for a lawyer for months, so it's never really been about money for us. We always find a way to have a great time without needing a ton of money (ex: I'm joining his judo class tonight, $20 a month). Someday I'd like to be a bit more financially secure, especially before I start having kids. But I've got years of college to finish before I even think of having my own children.
I didn't recognize the feeling right away, but when you were describing your boyfriend's ex-wife, all I could think of is 'I have to protect my boyfriend. I can't let him go through all that alone (and I can't let her drive him to murder, cause orange is not his color)'. Apparently I've reached the protective stage in my relationship.
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You definitely have to do what you think is right. I'm a big believer in regretting what we DID have the courage to do, not wondering "what if." I definitely wouldn't leave my bf over his complicated life but it wasn't this complicated when we met
Still I don't regret it. I have zero contact with her now, beyond saying "hello" and "drive safely" if I have the misfortune of being around her. I think if you prioritize your self-care and your health, you will be ok.
Just don't fall into the codependency trap - if it comes right down to it you CAN let him go through this alone. He chose to date this woman, he chose to have a child with her, he is continuing to make choices based on what he feels is best for him and his child now. You can't protect him from the consequences of his actions (I mean being linked to his ex for the rest of his life, not that his child is a consequence, just to be clear!) But you can be there to support him as long as it's a healthy situation for you.
