Quote:
Originally Posted by magicalprince
Glad you are off the roller coaster. An unbearable loneliness. Yes, and shame, yes. I logically think that it should be okay to talk about what I experienced to someone else, like another therapist, you know? I don't know, it's still hard though. I feel like I'm betraying her to talk about it. Feeling alone with that kind of pain is unbearable though isn't it. Thanks for saying I'm not alone. I thought about that recently. It's funny, when people used to say that, "you're not alone," I never knew what it meant. I always felt like, whatever, it's just a trite thing to say, it doesn't really mean anything, nobody knows what I'm going through.
But, now I've changed my mind. I really like the sentiment. Even if nobody knows specifically and I never felt able to tak about it, I do believe other people have survived these emotions and I see you guys here and it does give me strength to know that. So, thank you for sharing that.
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MP you can have no idea how your words actually comforted me. Even here it can be tricky to find people genuinely committed to getting over it rather than either seeking strategies for revenge or coyly "complaining" about the challenges of love with a therapist. Yes, I went through all that (not here) many times through the years. The reality is harsh when it crashes in. And at least in my case, I cannot brand him as "evil", I wish I could. He was going through an existential crisis of his own and actively seduced me. Fortunately some sense kicked in and we both dodged a huge bullet. By that time I had become an emotional threat and he became resentful. I miss him, we could/should have had a healthy relationship. But....no matter how mutual our relationship may have been at certain points, he exposed and took advantages my vulnerability in a vile and selfish manner and is not man enough to be accountable. I wish for you to achieve that clarity, though it will take time. Am I happy? no. Do I feel used, useless, discarded and worthless? Yep. But there is too much negativity going on in my life and finally I don't wait around for him to make me feel better- it was never more than a band-aid.