Humpty Dumpty, suicide is not an option. We try to talk to those who contemplate it. There is nothing in this life worth killing yourself over, trust me. It puts unanswered questions on all your loved ones, undue stress and affects them their whole lives always questioning what it was that they did wrong. You are tired of feeling this way yet you don't want to talk to anyone in professional services. Then there is one person left, your Creator who made you. Have you talked to them? It works, it really does. No one can fix someone else's life, and no ones life is perfect. We all suffer in humanity. I ask that you realize that life is not about being happy it is about being grateful. The only way out of ones misery is to be thankful and count the blessing that you do have. Don't let life's agony and pain blind you to the provisions you do have now. And it is okay to want to lash out and it is better to ask for help. I will pray for you. Blessings and tc