In the past I have found that when I focus on losing weight, I usually fail. I have never been overweight but I have been above the weight I like to be at sometimes by 15-20 lbs.

Last year was a tough year for me and for the second half of 2015 I really struggled with staying active. I was too sick and too heartbroken to practice the self care I was used to. It surprised me as a person who is very physically disciplined.

I didn't want to go outside, I couldn't stand being at the gym and I was starting to focus on the fact that I was gaining weight which seemed to be working against me. I decided to allow this phase in my life. I told myself that maybe I could not be the same person I was before right now. I told myself the time would come when the darkness lifted enough for me to step outside and move again.

Knowing that I made it through one of the most difficult years of my life this far really encouraged my spirit. I didn't die from illness, and I outlived (most) of my heartbreak. I felt the weight lifting as the new year approached.

I don't make New Years resolutions becuse I just don't connect with the practice. But I did tell myself that I would get back to the high fitness level that I was before. For awhile I forgot how I sustained the focus of a disciplined workout schedule.

I have to remind myself that the workouts that I do are not about losing weight. The purpose of the workout is to rid myself of anxiety, depression and irritation. The purpose is to help me regulate my mood.

Everytime I connect to this deeper purpose beyond the external consequence of working out, I am able to sustain the practice. I have always needed a deeper motivation than beauty. I'm glad I remembered what the real reason was.

Two weeks into my regimen and I am feeling great and slowly building up my routine. The goal is to not go too fast but to participate in a regimen that is appropriate for my fitness level and slowly build up over time. That way injuries from overexertion will not hold back my consistency.

My new (old) rules for working out are.

1. Do it for the health benefits not the physical approval or outcome. This will happen naturally so there is no need to put undue focus on it.

2. Start slow

3. Stay consistent

4. Praise yourself daily for the progress you've made.

I almost forgot earlier this year that this is how I executed being a very fit person in the past. I'm so glad I remembered.