it's just... how am i supposed to feel desired and sexy, if nobody desires me, nobody thinks i'm sexy.

i am definitely not so attractive that guys are intimidated by me. in school they'd dare each other to ask me out so that when i said yes they'd laugh the other table over, as if to say "How funny, you think anyone would actually want to go out with you?" it's been that way forever.

nobody's ever admitted to a crush on me. i never had a secret admirer. i didn't get valentines.

what else am i supposed to think, except that there is something wrong with me that repulses guys? that i am ugly, fat, stupid, smelly, something?

yes, i am shy, but i was under the impression that guys think shy girls are cute. i guess that's only true if the girl is also pretty.

i do have low confidence, but that is because nobody ever liked me, not the other way around. how am i supposed to believe that i am likable if no one has ever liked me?

i guess my point here is that i do have needs, and they are not being met. but the male population would rather just go on thinking i'm asexual, apparently.

i'm honestly so desperate. i've resolved that if i do not lose it by my 20th i will pay someone. then i can worry about finding the 'right' person, if such a thing does exist (although i doubt it - seems like bs to me).

i feel like i'm not good enough to even be a 'fling', and THAT is why i haven't 'done it' yet.